In recognition of Jewish Disability Awareness Month (JDAM), we have invited several community members to share their thoughts with us. This is the first in the series, written by Rabbi Margot Stein, Board Member. For more information on JDAM, click here.
My son, a high functioning child with autism, did not speak until he was four and is only now, in 7th grade, learning to read independently. Yet he chanted from the Torah, recited the Sh’ma, helped lead the service, and delivered a D’var Torah that was unique in several important ways. He was thrilled, and so were we.
How can you make your child’s celebration equally memorable?
1). Know your child and make accommodations accordingly. Do not hesitate to ask your rabbi to work with you on this. If your child is outgoing as our son is, and can handle a lot of guests, fine. If she is fearful of crowds or has performance anxiety, keep it intimate. While we are close with our synagogue rabbi, we also asked Rabbi Zev Baram from the Philly Friendship Circle to be a spiritual mentor for our son, since the Barams’ work with the special needs community has taught our son much about what it means to be Jewish.
2). Choose a time and place where you have more control. A big sanctuary with two b’nai mitzvah each week is probably not going to be the right setting if you want to bend rules and develop an individualized event. We chose a minha (afternoon) service, beginning an hour before sundown on Saturday afternoon and culminating with havdallah. It’s a beautiful time of day, and one that has fewer requirements in terms of the liturgy but does include a Torah service (be sure to calculate the correct reading based on the following week’s parsha).
3). Determine how your child learns best. Is she a natural mimic? Can he read with ease? Would a kinesthetic, hands-on approach be more effective? I can’t tell you how helpful it is to work with a qualified tutor who is able to develop